The Journey Within

Hilmi Prostrator

2010-01-06T07:37:00.001-08:00

Hilmi dapat merit exam tu! Hahaha! Congrats2!

a love letter to an old friend

2009-10-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

With Snow Patrol's Set The Fire To The Third Bar slowly floating in my ear, i descended upon the depth of my soul. Deeper and deeper, following the mouldy spiralling staircase dampened with years of restrained feelings. The wall were plastered with the feeling long gone. Now it replayed in front of me like a broken video. Going in loops, endless loops until the audience lost their patience and throw ebverything to the ground.

The openings of the icy cold subterranean staircase to the heart suddenly closed with a thud. A soft blow of an invisible wind comes from nowhere, taking with it the last breath of the candle hanging on the ancient ceilings of the mind. The candle, like life, inevitably came to an end. Dead. Leaving only ashes and coal dust. It all seems so insignificant.

It is a dark metaphor of reality, the staircase. There is now no way back. The door is now closed. There is no way you can turn back and grab hold to the time gone past. You either keep on descending or you stop, and died asphyxiated with the darkness engulfing you. Or you can kill yourself. It is your choice. My choice.

I keep on going. Step by step, feet by feet, i went down, contemplating on what have i done wrong. Ruminating on the all the roads not taken in my whole life. What if i took the left instead of the right? What if i chose to go on before, instead of backing away? What if i keep on believing,instead of leaving it to chances? Will things go differently?

The road i'd taken, is it due to wise reasoning or just purely chances or coincidences? Or is it fate? But are there such things as fate, destiny, or whatever names people call it? Or is just a mathematical probability, which anybody can break it down to pieces of functions and algebraical calculations?

I realized though, the road i took will unavoidably led to other junctions, other divergences, and i have to decide again.Not this one though. This is a one way train. The downward journey to the soul is a journey few have taken. None has ever come back.

And today, it will be my journey.

merapu: edisi rempit

2009-09-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

allop.

herm, malam semalam aku tidoq kat uma member2 seangkatan aku...sembang punye sembang, macam biase jadi diskusi ilmiah yang memeningkan kaple otak...tapi isu ter'kini' pesal cinta sebelum kahwin...uish...isu yang sentiase panas nak2 untuk orang yg belum kahwin..mesti la kan..tah pape la aku ni..heheh

pikir2 balik, dah lame gak aku membujang (cf couple) sebab 'faith' aku yg mendalam sangat pasal keberkatan dan keberkesanan cinta sebelum kahwin yang boleh menjanjikan kebahagiaan semasa dan selepas kahwin. aku ni sebenarnye macam kebanyakan orang lain, hidup membesar dalam persekitaran hidup orang yg kurang ter'kena' dengan cahye Islam, tak kurang member2 yang aku kenal berkarierkan rempit, mat2 kete, masuk penjare dan kakak2 abang2 yang berkehidupan pramugari/a, sejibik macam dalam series Tv3 mahupun HBO movies tuh..huih dahsyat..ade jugak la member2 yang aku drop out skrg ni..bkan nak berpendirian ekslusif tapi takut terpengaruh pulak...eh, merapu sekejap...pendek kata kurang la pendedahan aku pd islam sebenar sampai pada satu mase tu..dan pendek kata yang lain, aku ade jugak la traumatised dengan gagalnye beberapa rumahtangga kenalan2 aku..sampai ade yang minta pandangan aku tentang rumahtangge dorang cmne nak savekan rumahtangge dorang; i am a good listener..(care org bosnia menampilkan diri?ke kite yg nak mencapubkan diri ..what the heck?haha)

Anyway, back to basic. pesal couple...herm, d main thing yg every mempelai nak ialah rumahtangge yg dinaungi keberkatan, ye tak? Tapi kalaulah mule2 kite dah langgar arahan Allah dalam cuba ber’mesra’2 dengan orang kat sane, camne plak kite nak expect untuk dapat keberkatan Allah yg tngh marah tu. Herm, itu yang aku cube pikir tu..contohnye, nak mintak duit Balai untuk buat program tapi butiq2 proposal melanggar protokol Balai, agak2 nye dapat ke? Wallahu’alam.

Selalu orang habaq aku, ni trial period nak tngok pasangan camne..herm, tapi banyak je kapel yg bagai nak rak, tapi last2 hampeh jugak pengakhirannya..(sorry 2 hear anyway)...ye ye, ade yg berjaye ke gerbang perkahwinan, tapi sila refer perenggan atas..ala, kalau nak kenal serasi ke tak, cubela set mind compass balik kot, sebab bukankah erti perkahwinan itu untuk memBERI..lepas tu, kuranglah kot masalah ketidakserasian nanti..Wallahu’alam..

Setakat ni je la..malas nak komen2 lagi pesal kapel..prot pon lapaq..nak g masjid berbuka..

Edisi Rempit.

best movie ever made

2009-07-20T14:50:00.001-07:00

The title tells all. A parody for Malaysia Abusive and Corrupted Commision (MACC)

We Cry For Teoh Beng Hok

2009-07-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

I cried for the death of Teoh Beng Hok, i sincerely did.

Has Malaysia descended into a new low? A low that no man ever reach before?

Teoh Beng Hock, 30, Political Secretary to Selangor Exco Ean Yong Hian Wah, was found dead yesterday afternoon. He had fallen (or maybe pushed, who knows?) from the 14th floor of Malaysia Anti-Corruption Commission just hours after he was interrogated by MACC. The interrogation hours? 5pm until 4 am in the morning by the "committed" MACC officers, for 11 hours straight. This is a clear breach of MACC code of ethics and code of conduct.

Oh, i forgot to mention. All of as sudden MACC were really putting the effort in investigating corruption that they can even interrogate long after office hours? And Teoh was not even the suspect, he was supposed to be there only as a witness. A WITNESS for God's sake! He was not a criminal, he would not run away. Why would he?

I really suspect foul play in his death. No one in his right senses will imagine to commit suicide a day before he is slated to be married. No, not just one day before his marriage, i am sure of that. Was it a coincidence he chose to jump off MACC building just hours after the interrogation? i dont think so.

p/s MACC had selective amnesia I suspect. If a corruption report involves opposition ADUNs, they will raid the office looking for evidence in a matter of hours. They would even work after hours to investigate. But when a corruption report involves say, Rafidah Aziz, Nazri Aziz et al, only silence can be heard. Remember Statutory Declaration by Fauzi Muda saying that our PM tried to buy his support for RM50 mils? Any investigation? Zero. zilch. none!

Allah knows

2009-07-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

"when you find that special someone, feel your life has barely begun, you can walk on the moons shout it to everyone, Allah knows"

jeritan ketakutan

2009-07-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

terowong gelap sisa kumbahan..

segelap ketakutan kita yang tersembunyi. bau busuk dalam longkang, bau kumbahan, gas beracun, tikus, gelap dan bahaya. takde ape yang nak ditakutkan dengan semua itu.

ketakutan yang sebenarnya terletak di dalam rumah kita.

arghhhh!

jeritan bergema.

menjerit.. cara ibu bapa menyelesaikan masalah.. membuat anak patuh,mengikut arahan,suruhan, larangan dengan ketakutan. ketakutan menjadikan anak mengikut,menurut apa sahaja..

obey!

jeritan seperti mengalu-alukan kepulangan aku..terjun ke dalam air hitam di dalam terowong sisa kumbahan.. ke dalam ruang yang tidak diketahui..

pernah terfikir kenapa orang dewasa tak habis-habis dengan masalah?

sebab mereka tak nak masalah-masalah itu selesai..

apa yang tinggal untuk mereka kalau masalah-masalah itu selesai? kosong.

selepas masalah selesai, yang tinggal lepas tu ialah sesuatu yang tak diketahui. itulah yang menakutkan mereka.. mereka tak nak itu berlaku..

mereka ingin rasa mereka sentiasa betul. baik, tanpa kesalahan. ingin rasa mereka insan kamil.

dan menjerit menjadi alat mereka mencapai semua itu.. ibu bapa kepada anak, orang dewasa kepada remaja.. majikan kepada pekerja.. orang atasan kepada orang bawahan.. ahli politik kepada ahli politik musuh.. kekasih kepada kekasih.. kawan kepada kawan.. semuanya menjerit untuk menyelesaikan masalah..

dan untuk itu aku bertanya, jeritan-jeritan tersebut dibalas dengan apa?

jeritan lagi..

arghhh!

monggo!

2009-07-06T13:04:00.001-07:00

HIDUP ADALAH PERJUANGAN MENCARI ERTI!

MUSUH KITA ADALAH KETIADAAN MAKNA DALAM HIDUP.
KAMI WUJUD UNTUK MEMBERIKAN ERTI DALAM KEHIDUPAN.
KAMI WUJUD UNTUK MENCIPTA RIAK AIR DALAM SEJARAH!

BANGUN SEMUA!

HENTIKAN SIKAP MENUNDUK, MENGANGGUK, MENURUT, MENYERAH..

THE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT FEAR THE GOVERNMENT,
THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD FEAR THE PEOPLE!

RIAK AIR ITU KITA JADIKAN TSUNAMI!

till death do us part

2009-07-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

Happily Ever After-the Fourth and Final Installments

After three previous entries, i have come to the last entry regarding marriage. In the last two entry, i have given a few tips on building a happy family. However, i have to remind you, the tips are not foolproof. What i have written, it is all based on my observations on my own parent and a few other acquitances of mine.

Again, I remind you, all the tips are not guaranteed sure-fire methods that will AUTOMATICALLY gives you a happy married life. Maybe you have put all the efforts into your marriage, but it stills falls apart. After all, we do not know what is the plan of our Creator for us. As what people says, hidup, mati dan jodoh di tangan Tuhan. It is all written down by Him.

This is where the last thing comes into play. And for me, it is the most important aspects of every marriage. Divine Intervention.

Pardon, but did you just say divine intervention will help build a successful relationship with your husband/wife? Are you sure?

Well, i am totally sure. Divine intervention in the sense that we need help from the most Exalted, the most Powerful to guide us, in everything. When I say everything, it includes the aspect of building a family of our own.

The first step towards building a family is dua'. For us singles, it is imperative for us to start praying, from now on. Even though you are only 17, 18 or maybe 19 years old and plan to marry only when you are 27, it does not mean that you can only pray for guidance when you are 27. In fact, start right now! This very moment!

Remember the beautiful dua'.

Ya Allah ya Tuhan Kami, anugerahkanlah kepada kami isteri dan anak-anak sebagai penyejuk hati kami dan jadikanlah kami sebagai imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa.

The problem is, we often neglect the second part of the dua'.

Jadikanlah kami sebagai imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa.

This can be interpreted both ways,as an Imam(leader) to your family or in bigger scope, a leader to any group of mu'min. How can you be an imam to your family if your iman and taqwa is as strong as the spider's web, or worse non-existent.

Wal iyazubillah.

So, take the dua' as a challenge and encouragement for you to better yourself, hence preparing you for the heavy responsibity of being a leader of your own family. I say heavy because, the way you guide your family might lead your family either towards jannah or towards narr. Heaven or hell.

Divine intervention does not come freely. It comes with dua' and efforts. So keep praying, and keep putting efforts in it. When you are choosing a wife/husband, pray. Ask for His help in making a decision. Look for a candidate that has the characteristics most valued by our Prophet saw. Pilihlah mereka yang beragama. InshaAllah, your choice will be the best choice. And when you have finally chosen someone and marry him/her, it does not mean the prayers should stop too. From merisik, bertunang, akad nikah, malam zafaf, and the subsequent life shared as a couple, keep praying, and pray sincerely. He will never dissapoint you, inshaAllah.

However, divine intervention does not come with prayers only. As my friend Safwan Ahmad Kamal Hayati said to me once, you cant expect to have a good ending if you start the relationship in Allah's wrath.

Ustaz Hasrizal has written a really good article on this, Muslim Rumahtangga. LINK

I quote here two of his strongest examples:

“Jika dengan aku dulu dia tergamak berzina dan berbuat dosa, apa yang menghalangnya untuk berzina dengan orang lain”, syak seorang isteri, bekas pelaku dosa, ketika suaminya so-called out station.

“Jika dengan aku dulu dia selamba badak pegang sana pegang sini, apa yang boleh menjamin dia menjaga rumahku dan maruah dirinya dari lelaki lain?”, syak seorang suami, bekas pelaku dosa, ketika jauh di tempat kerja meninggalkan isteri di rumah sana.

If these two example are not clear enough, let me tell you. It is not permissible in Islam to date before marriage. We can't start something halal(marriage) with something haram (dating/coupling). Unless you are completely ok with Ustaz Hasrizal's examples. Which I am not.

Wal iya zubillah.

Well, I hope with His help and guidances, i will be able to apply all these things that i have written down. These series of articles are first and foremost, a reminder to myself, who, as a human being, is neither perfect nor i will ever be. And if anybody else benefits from these, alhamdulillah. Praise be to God.

I feel it will be appropriate to end these series of articles with the dua' below.

"bismillahi rahman nirrahim. Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa zurriy yatina qurrata a'yun, waj alna lilmuttaqina imama, rabbana atina fidduniya hasanah, wa fil akhirati hasanah, wa qina aza bannar. wa qina aza bannar, wa qina aza bannar"

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang. Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kami isteri dan anak-anak kami sebagai penyejuk hati kami, dan jadikanlah kami imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa. Ya tuhan kami, berikanlah kami kebaikan di dunia dan kebaikan di akhirat, dan jauhkanlah kami dari azab neraka.

Hana

2009-07-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

Hana-the tale of the reluctant samurai. At last,after all the waiting, the movie is finally here.

For Better of For Worse

2009-06-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

Happily Ever After-the third installments.

To be able to give, first you have to treasure her first. You said you love her right? So isn’t that already a REALLY good reason for you to treasure your wife/partner? This is where the second thing I believe comes in. Good communication.

Make effort to be interested in her. If she works, ask her about her days at the office. Listen to what she says. If she complains, take notice, even if it is about the most mundane thing like how the patients keep asking for antibiotics even though she had diagnosed them with viral fever. If she is a housewife, ask her how her day has been, and whether there is anything you can help with the chores. Ask her opinion in making any decision, it will show how much you appreciate her presence. Be a democratic leader, not a tyrant. She will appreciate that.

Occasionally ask her if there is anything she does not like you to do. Maybe you have been putting your wet towel on the bed and she does not like it. Or maybe you have been coming home late recently. If you can’t change it, explain it to her. She will understand. And always ask what she likes you to do. Maybe she likes watching television with you besides her, and your hand on her waist. Maybe she likes her scalp to be massaged. Maybe she likes you to kiss her on the forehead the first thing after you both wake up in the morning. The list can go on forever, but the point is, ask. Communicate.

Make it a point to be interested in her family. Ask her to tell stories about her mom, her dad, sibling, and other extended family. And what’s more important, be nice to her family, especially to your parents-in-law. Call your father and mother in law every now and then, ask how they have been. Show that you care about them. Surprise your wife by surprising her family with gifts or “buah tangan” that you buy on your own. If you can afford it, a vacation together with her parents will be a memory she will never forget.

If the three rule of thumb for building a business are location, location, location, then the three rules of thumb for building a family are communication, communication, communication.

Communication goes both ways though. Talk to your husband, tell him what you like or what you hate, what you want him to do or to stop doing. Do not go sulking and not talking to US husbands if you are not happy about anything. If you do not tell us, we will never figure it out. We are NOT, I repeat, we are NOT mind readers! We really are not good at reading body language or small signals either. We are not superman, so sometimes the thing you are not happy with, it escapes our attention. It is not like we do not care. So say what is on your mind, ok? We are prepared to listen.

So that is the second thing i believe in building a good relationship. What's the last and the most important one? Wait for the next entry.

Till then, take care.

Happily Ever After-The Sequel

2009-06-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

In my previous entry, I sound like someone who does not believe marriage will bring you happiness, right? Or worse, I sound like someone who does not believe in marriage at all. Thankfully, it's the total opposite of that. In fact I plan to marry earlier, rather than later. Maybe next summer perhaps? :P

What i am trying to tell you in the previous entry is that marriage is not a guarantee of a blissful life. It is a start to a life where all the problems that you and your partner face are now shared with each other. It is HOW you deal with the problems that will steer you towards either a happy life or an unhappy one.

So how you can achieve a happy life when you get together/marry with your loved one?

I believe in three things. First of all, I must set my mind that I marry to give, rather than to receive. Hidup untuk memberi, bukan untuk menerima. And if you receive anything good from the relationship, Alhamdulillah. Praise be to God.

If you expect a life of receiving, in which you will be treated like a pampered king, where the food is all cooked and ready to be eaten when you get back from work, the kids are all bathed and fed and well behaved, the laundry is all washed and ironed and folded neatly in your closet, the house is vaccumed and cleaned, while your wife welcomes you home with eternal smiles on her face, wearing her best and smells like a bunch of roses, then you're in for the worst time of your life.

Married life is not like that. It is not a bed full of roses.

Remember one thing, prepare yourself to give. Make yourself available to help, at all times. The laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the housekeeping, taking out rubbish, feeding/bathing the kids, cleaning their mess, you can't expect your wife to do all this while you read the newspaper or watch Premier League on television.

Showing your love to your wife is not necessarily by saying I love you every day, buying her flowers every time you get back from work or giving her gift. You can do all these, it will be better, but just by helping her with chores, you show that you really care and do not take her for granted. And if she does the chores by herself, as for full time housewife, PLEASE, PLEASE show that you appreciate her doing it. A simple thank you, a kiss or a hug maybe, will do all the differences in the world.

Well, that's the first thing believe. I really hope i will be capable to apply all these when i build my own family one day. With God's willing. InshaAllah.

So, what's the second thing i believe in? Wait for the next entry.

Happily Ever After

2009-06-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

A lot of people seem to think that being in a relationship is the answer to the life's most puzzling question, i.e Will I ever find happiness?

We seem to think that, when we get married or when we get together with the person we love, we will achieve perfect happiness and does not have to worry about anything anymore. We think that being in a relationship is the key that opens the door to the elusive world of happiness, which before is inhabited by all the other people, except ourselves. For us, by getting together with the person we love, it will be the imaginary ON switch that automatically gives us the perfectly blissful life.

The sad truth, it is far from all that. Sorry, but the world does not work that way. At least not directly.

Well, thankfully, the blame is not entirely ours for having this preconception. Since our tender age, we were flooded with movies, tv series, soap opera, novels and the so called romantic comedies that subconsciously put this notion in our mind. Even fairy tales are not an exception.

We were force fed with the false imagination that there is an impossibly handsome Prince Charming for all of us, who will one day come galloping with his white stallion and shiny armors to save us from our unhappiness. Except that this time, the evil step mother will be our own insecurities and discontent with our life.

And after we met and maybe marry our Prince Charming, we will live happily ever after. Happily ever after. THE END.

If only life is that easy.

After the movie/tv series/soap opera/fairy tales end, we would be left with the image that the girl and her Prince Charming actually live happily ever after. What we do not realise is that, each and every ending, in reality is the start to something.

If getting married with her prince charming is the ending to a fairy tale, then the ending is actually the start of a married life.

A beginning to a life that is completely shared with another person.

A beginning to a life with a person, who is after all, only a human being, no matter how charming he is. A person with his own flaws and shortcomings. A person who is neither perfect nor he will ever be.

I feel sad when I encountered girls who cruised from one relationship to another, in search of her Prince Charming or Mr Right or whatever name she give to symbolize her perfect man. The sad thing is that she will never ever be content with whomever she's with right now, always wondering if there is another guy who is more handsome, more charming, a better lover or simply just wealthier than the one she currently has.

Little that she knows, Prince Charming had actually married four times successively; Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel, and each marriage ends with divorce due to his womanizing ways.

And it's little that she knows, the Prince Charming had himself said; "I always truly love a woman when I first pursue her... I am just not good at the happily ever after part". And when confronted about his womanizing ways, the Prince Charming simply dismissed it by saying, "I am raised to be charming, not sincere".

Just take a moment and think for a short second, are you sure when you get together or maybe marry your love of your life, you will actually be living a truly happily ever after life?

What if your husband really loves you, but have difficulties expressing his love and affection to you due to his harsh experience as a child?

What if your husband wants a child as soon as possible, but you can't stand kids and want to build your promising career first?

What if your husband have to work from early morning to late evening, so that he can give you a comfortable life but is sometimes too tired to give you the attention that you desire when he get back at home?

What if he starts to put on weight, lose his hair and become more wrinkled each passing day due to stress from work?

What if you are pursued by a younger, more handsome guy with body as tight as Brad Pitt who made more money than your partner ever would?

What if your partner is out of job due to the recent recession and all your savings are gone to help him launch a business that failed?

What if?

WHAT IF?

Aide Memoir

2009-06-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

salam to all,

The current clinical rotation (/rotations?) urge/s me to double my effort to keep me through. Had I maintain the same level of fitness and enthusiasm, I would be surely left behind. I have to fortify my faculty of thought to delve into mentally ill patient's colourful tales without any slight poured prejudice. Hence, obviously, to keep your mind freshed, your body needs to be refreshed i.e. exercise.

I love to see patient, or patients, or patients. But I feel quite uncomfortable if a consultant is around, keeping him/herself updated with patient information from nurses' continous monitoring. Worse if the number of people multiplies in that very small cubicle or even a space confined to green curtains around. It is quite a nerve-cracking feelings when patient's family and friends sometimes give me a sinistic glance while I am busy dismantling the convoluted structure of unfamiliar history taking. (it was second day OK). But it is not too bad. Occasionally, I love to allow anxiety occupies my mind to force me to do thing a bit better; not in a laid-back way.

I love nurses. Or even just the non-medical assistants be it like secretary or other posts. They make me feel like hospital is my second house, ward is my alternative room and the chapel is my musolla. They are akin to bellhops who treat the medical students as the hospital's guests. 'Hi, Im Hilmi a 3rd year medical student. I just wonder whether there is any patient in this ward for me to talk to and do examination upon, ideally prolapse, or acute febrile convulsion etc etc......Would it be possible?' For the umpteenth time, this is my popular introductory line uttered to nurses. If my memory serves me well, it is hard to think of the time when I was rejected or felt got in the way throughout this 9 months. They never let me down without any stern face.

I love Carlisle Infirmary Centre. I made a lot of friends there (relatively for an international student, I am not going to exaggerate..hehe). Relationship with doctors particularly F1/F2 is marvellous. We had a good time together. Most people gave me enormous support. Dr Orgy who is a mother figure to us, Dr Wood with his newborn Methylda, Dr Trish who had shared lots of medical interests with me, Some Muslims Dr who compromised their consultant title to give me hugs after Friday prayer...let alone the patients and nurses. Lots of luck I picked up everyday to cheer me up, at the very least...but I think I am pampered and spoiled. Lol.

I know, I am just rattling through the coalesced thoughts which have crossed my mind. There are more to this which cannot be engraved here fully for few reasons. First, time. Time for me to write. Also, time for people to read. People would just skim the post anyway. Second, feelings. I reckon it is the time to stop now as my mood is euthymic and my confidence is raised again. Till then.

xxx

Mohd Hilmi Senin

extreme ways-moby

2009-05-28T00:53:00.000-07:00

My current favourite-which may NOT be liked by SoIS and Prostrator2115. haha. enjoy friends.

the sad state

2009-05-27T02:24:00.001-07:00

1st – you are not allowed to wear YELLOW
2nd – you are not allowed to wear RED
3rd – you are not allowed to wear BLACK
4th – you are not allowed to mention Altantuy*'s name
5th – you are not allowed to light CANDLE
6th – you are not allowed to celebrate BIRTHDAY
7th – you are not allowed to FAST

8th-you are not allowed to gather with more than 3 persons

9th-?

10th-?

words of wisdom

2009-05-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes you can smell what's coming. But you don't want to say anything that would displease Allah; rather, you lament to Him, asking for some strength to help cope with the test..."

That's life, an episode we know little of. We forget most of the past, unaware of the current situation, and totally barred from any knowledge of the future. So why bother being proud?

kekuatan dan kelemahanku

2009-05-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

salam

Di pagi sehening ini, terasa ada kemahuan untuk meluahkan apa yang terbuku di hati dan intelek. Ketenangan itu sedang hinggap di jiwaku walaupun ada beberapa homework yang belum disiapkan. (Bukan malas :O)

Ya Allah, segala puji bagiMu Tuhan sekalian alam. Tuhan yang menjadikanku lalu Kau maha mengetahui segala kekuatanku. Ku sedar, aku sedang menolak sempadan limitasi kekuatan supaya ia lebih luas, setiap detik. Aku menjadi lebih yakin, optimis dan ceria dalam menghadapi hidup. Tapi Ya Allah, tidak jarang untuk aku ujub, riya' dan kufur dengan nikmat kekuatan ini.

Kau juga arif benar tentang kelemahanku, yang aku sedar tanpa kelemahan ini, hatiku mungkin tidak gemar dengan alunan syukur dan tawakal. Jiwaku mungkin akan keras memberontak menentang apa yang Kau tentukan dan turunkan. Tapi Ya Allah, selalu aku keluh, kecewa dan berputus asa dengan nikmat kelemahan ini.

Aku tersedar dengan ilhamMu, bahawa kelemahanku dan kekuatanku ini tidak akan wujud tanpa keinginanMu.

Ya Allah, hempukkanlah diriku dengan kelemahan demi kelemahan sekiranya itu takdirMu yang terbaik untuk menjinakkan hatiku yang liar ini. Kurniakanlah aku kekuatan demi kekuatan sekiranya itu takdirMu untuk menguatkan sifat syakura dalam penghambaanku pada Mu.

of sticking together

2009-05-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

Sahih Muslim: Book 020, Number 4553:

It has been narrated on the authority of Hudhaifa b. al-Yaman who said: People used to ask the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) about the good times, but I used to ask him about bad times fearing lest they overtake me. I said: Messenger of Allah, we were in the midst of ignorance and evil, and then God brought us this good (time through Islam). Is there any bad time after this good one? He said: Yes. I asked: Will there be a good time again after that bad time? He said: Yes, but therein will be a hidden evil. I asked: What will be the evil hidden therein? He said: (That time will witness the rise of) the people who will adopt ways other than mine and seek guidance other than mine. You will know good points as well as bad points. I asked: Will there be a bad time after this good one?

He said: Yes. (A time will come) when there will be people standing and inviting at the gates of Hell. Whoso responds to their call they will throw them into the fire. I said: Messenger of Allah, describe them for us. He said: All right.. They will be a people having the same complexion as ours and speaking our language.

I said: Messenger of Allah, what do you suggest if I happen to live in that time? He said: You should stick to the main body of the Muslims and their leader. I said: If they have no (such thing as the) main body and have no leader? He said: Separate yourself from all these factions, though you may have to eat the roots of trees (in a jungle) until death comes to you and you are in this state.

p/s i have cross checked the hadeeth in several websites and it all come out the same. so i think there's no doubt the hadeeth is from Muslim, but do correct me if i am wrong.

Puisi yang Memalukan

2009-05-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

Mari kita bercakap tentang malu pula.

Tidak ada keraguan untukku bertempiak yang aku malu,

Malu kepada Allah untuk tidak malu kepada wanita ajnabi,

Tak sanggup untukku dengar hilai tawa,

Jua melayan kerenah suara lunak dan senyum manis si gadis,

Memang seronok, Memang terhibur,

Tetapi tak sanggup aku melupakan azwajun mutahharah,

Yang menjengah dari halaman syurga,

Tak sanggup aku.

Masam raut hatiku,

Pabila terdengar suara wanita yang sengaja ditinggikan dan dilunakkan,

Cari publisiti,

Mahu dipuja-puji,

Mahu disedari,

Tetapi sedarlah,

Kemurahan itu yang kau dukung.

Terkadang dalam situasi darurat dan ada kepentingan,

Aku buka sedikit jendela penerimaan ini,

Ikhtilat ini bertujuan mencegah,

Mencantas terus langkah menuju ke zina,

Hindarkan itu lebih keras arahannya daripada larangkan.

Ya, aku memang manusia biasa,

Terdetik rasa sunyi bila rakan sejantina kurang ramai,

Terpalit angan-angan nakal membayangkan aku ramai rakan perempuan,

Lalu segeraku beristighfar,

Tuduhan terusku tujukan kepada syaitan,

Yang menghakis iman.

Maaf,

Sekiranya malu aku ini ditafsirkan sebagai sombong,

Seandainya malu aku ini dikonotasikan dengan egoism,

Tetapi ku bertatih menyadurkan sanubari dengan sifat mahmudah ini,

Kepada bakal isteriku,

Dalam diam aku memerhatikanmu,

Tetapi atas sifat malu ini,

Lidahku kelu,

Panjangku berfikir bagaimana cara yang terbaik untuk mendekatimu,

Untuk mengekspresi perasaan itu,

Supaya kau tahu,

Supaya kau mahu,

Supaya kau mampu,

Dalam membalas kocakan hatiku.

Mohd Hilmi Senin

Newcastle upon Tyne

Puisi yang Mematikan Ideaku

2009-05-08T13:35:00.000-07:00

salam kpd co-authors blog yang lain,

...dan hanya beberapa orang pengunjung rawak yang sudi melawat.

Acap kali, perlu muncul satu asakan hati untuk aku melawat blog kesayangan kami ini. Tetapi pabila ingin dinukilkan sesuatu, minda masih gagal dilatih untuk bersifat selektif dalam arena perkongsian minda dan emosi di paparan ini. Maafkan aku. Terlalu banyak kisah untuk dipampangkan. Tidak sedikit renungan yang ku mahu sahabat-sahabat semua renungkan.

Namun, terlolos satu demi satu idea bernas serentak berakhirnya helaan panjangku. Mari berkata tentang kematian sebagai respon kepada post pensel_tajam dan apa yang berlaku hari ini.

Kematian,

Setiap yang bernama manusia akan merasai mati,

Tetapi manusia yang paling cerdik ialah manusia yang memikirkan tentang kematian,

Bukan bagaimana hendak melambatkan kematian,

Walaupun kita mengerahkan wang ringgit, berusaha memulihkan kesihatan,

Tetapi bukan kita takut mati,

Tetapi kita takut hidup selepas mati

Apakah kita masih nak kufur kepada Allah taktala mulanya kita dihidupkan daripada mati,

Kemudian kita dimatikan,

Kemudian kita kembali dihidupkan,

Cantik pertanyaan ini diajukan di dalam Quran.

Kematian seseorang itu ada hikmahnya,

Kepada keluarga si mati,

Sebagai ujian untuk membezakan,

Yang mana melaungkan dan bertempik kosong kalimah Iman,

Yang mana pula hatinya diresapi dalam-dalam kalimah Iman,

Cantik kenyataan Allah ini di dalam Quran.

Kepada orang lain yang menghadirkan diri di majlis si arwah,

Renungan itu yang patut dilakukan,

Pabila hati tidak terasa kegerunan,

Bukti hati kita berkarat, mati dek kegelapan,

Bukan prioriti untuk bertemu rakan dan taulan,

Di majlis kematian.

Tiga perkara yang menjadi jambatan,

Salah satunya doa anakmu yang soleh,

Maka tanggungjawab anak si arwah,

Jadilah soleh,

Kemudian mendoakan kerahmatan,

Untuk si arwah yang baru berjalan ke alam yang berlainan,

Apakah satu kerehatan singkat sementara Qiyamat?

Apakah satu kesengsaraan lumat sementara hari Penghitungan?

Fikirkan...

Cukup-cukup. Rima ni memang seronok dilayan-layankan.

Mohd Hilmi Senin

Newcastle upon Tyne

For Gaza

2009-05-03T01:48:00.000-07:00

Bersemangat!!

Kadang-kadang apa yang ada di depan meminta kita menoleh ke belakang sejenak

2009-05-02T17:53:00.001-07:00

Salam Kematian,

Aku selalu berfikir tentang hidup, kematian, kubur dan hari penghitungan. cukup bersediakah aku? menghadapi hidup, menemui kematian, berseorangan seketika dalam kubur dan dihisab segala aktiviti di dunia sementara bersedia menjalani dunia satu lagi yang kekal. akan adakah pilihan?

Hidup di dunia bukan pilihan aku, betul.

Adakah pernah aku disuruh untuk pilih samada mahu ke dunia atau tidak?tidak.

Hidup di dunia bukan pilihan kita, betul.

Yang Maha Kuasa itu yang menentukan, ya.

Maka siapalah aku untuk memilih cara mana yang aku patut hidup?

Tiada pilihan, apa yang disuruh itu yang perlu, Yang Maha Kuasa itulah yang berhak.

Maka siapalah aku untuk memilih cara hidup yang mana?

Mana ada pilihan, semua kena ikut cakap Dia.

Ya. Semua kena ikut cakap dia.

Suka x suka, kena jugak ikut.

Cukupkah sekadar berfikir?

Ya. Kadang2 apa yang ada di hadapan itu seringkali meminta kita menoleh ke belakang sejenak.

Untuk apa menoleh?

Supaya x sekali lagi tersadung, supaya x sekali lagi tersangkut kaki.

Mus'ab Mustafha
Newcastle Upon Tyne

Newcastle's ambush on Israel Border

2009-04-30T01:43:00.000-07:00

Mujahid-mujahid Newcastle sedang mengatur serang hendap ke atas kubu kuat Israel di Greenhead?

tea break with Emily Strange

2009-04-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

hurm? you sound a little unhappy. any specific reason why? sorry, i've been a little busy these few days. i just started my third semester.

really? you're just tired? ok then. i thought there's something troubling you. no? that's great then. anyway, if you feel you have something to tell me, any problems to share with me, just go ahead ok? i'll try my best to be a good listener.

are you sure you're alrite? ok. promise me if there's anything, i mean anything at all, i will be the first one you will come to, ok?

by the way, those shoes are beautiful. you really got the knacks in matching your accesories with your apparel. huhu. where did you buy it by the way?

oh really? so your sister sent it by post all the way from Nottingham? wow, you must be really close to her then. I am happy you have such a kind sister.

Erm, happy belated birthday friend. sorry i haven't been able to be at your birthday celebration. Surely i miss the foods. haha. well, this is for you. hope you like it. i bought it two weeks before your birthday, but only now have the time to give it to you. sorry k?

you love it? glad you like it. i hope the colour suits your blouse. it looks really well with the shoes too.

you're welcome.

you look slimmer. have you been to gym lately? no? you're eating well aren't you? don't skip meals ok? you might get gastric you know. make sure you eat lots of vegetable ok?

hurm? i sound like your mother? huhu. then that means i care for you just like your mother. how's she by the way? you called her do you? every week? that's great then. i just called mine this morning. She can't wait for me to get home. she say hi to you.

oh, ok. i'll tell her the next time i call.

you have something to tell me? erm? what is it? oh, ok. let's go to the cafe then. we can have a little privacy there. the tea and the toasted tea cakes there are great too.

Excuse me, can we get two teacakes and a few scones? erm, Earl Grey please. what about you? just tea? ok.

Sorry miss, can we get just one tea cake and a piece of scones please. yes, with two earl grey. thank you.

you make me worried. you have eyebags too, and the eyes look red. you sleep well did you? are you sure? ok then.

well, what is it that you want to tell me? don't worry, we have complete privacy here. This table is the best table in the cafe.

wait? are you kidding? you are not joking? wait, this is not possible. how on Earth is this possible. why? what's the reason? what's has happened? oh God, i can't believe this.

I am sorry. I am so sorry. i am totally oblivious to your suffering all this time. oh, what have i done?

No, not suicide. it's not even an option. don't think about it at all ok? listen to me! no, not suicide! Don't ever think about it!

[inspired by How to Save A Life-The Fray]

Ini semua Bapak Aku punya!

2009-03-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

Salam,

Aku dah malas nak tulis lagi dah. Semua dia ingat bapak dia punya. Korang baca je kat sini.

klik

klik

p/s Kepala bapak ko semua ni bapak ko punya!

Don't Break The Mirror Please!

2009-03-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

One of the common things about all human beings is that all of us make mistakes at one time or another. To err, after all, is human. What distinguishes a clever human from a dumb one is that the former will learn from his mistakes whereas the latter will keep repeating them.

Leaders are human and, therefore, leaders too will make mistakes. But a clever leader will learn from mistakes and become “cleverer”. The dumb one, however, will keep on shooting himself in the foot without realising it.

The litmus test of a good leadership is not that it will not make mistakes but that it realises its mistakes and takes steps to correct the shortcomings and, at the same time, makes sure that it will not make the same mistakes again.

When democracy was at is infancy in the West, politicians realised that sometimes a mistake had to be pointed out before those who committed it became aware of it.So they realised that the best way to get feedback on whether they had made mistakes was to have a free press.

As 18th century British statesman Edmund Burke once professed: “Three Estates in Parliament; but in the reporters’ gallery yonder, there sat a fourth Estate more important far than they all”. The three estates that he referred to are the pillars of democracy – the Executive, the Legislative and the Judiciary.

The “fourth estate” is the Press. To the westerner, the press plays an important role of a watchdog, and the press gives valuable feedback to the government.

A free press is like a mirror; the reflection in it will tell those who stand before the mirror whether they have button their shirts properly, whether they have zipped up their pants, whether there are blemishes on their faces, and so on.

All of us depend on the mirror on the wall to give us an idea whether our countenance is presentable. Likewise, a government needs a mirror to see whether it is doing all right or whether it has committed errors that might affect adversely the livelihood of the people.

To a wise government, a free press is the mirror that it needs to see its reflection.

In his book “Age of Turbulence”, Alan Greenspan pointed out that not a single nation which allows a free press suffers from starvation; not in the past and not likely in the future.

It is because, with a free press, a government can detect a mistake before it is too late. The press will give the necessary feedback like an early warning system.So a free press is not only the fourth pillar of democracy, it is a friend of those governing, even if the press publishes writings that may be critical of certain policies or the decisions of these governing figures.

A good friend is one that gives you counsel when you have done wrong; not one that praises you even if you have made a mistake.If it is a friend, then it should not be stifled. It should be allow to publish what is on the ground.A free press in this modern era encompasses not just the printed media, but the electronic press, as well as the blogs.

I do not know about the reasons for the recent banning of the two political newspapers, but I hope that this is not the beginning of a clampdown on the blogs, the newspapers as well as on the freedom of speech.

No one would be stupid enough to break the mirror on his wall just because he or she does not wish to see his or her own ugly countenance.Breaking the mirror will not help to turn an ugly countenance to a presentable one.

We must realise that, even without the mirror, an ugly countenance will still remain ugly. Without the mirror, there is really no hope of remedial steps to address the ugliness and turn it to a more pleasant looking one.

A clever leader therefore should not clamp down on the media and the blogs. Instead he should take steps to nurture press freedom.By doing so, he would have taken an important step to prevent shooting himself in the foot. [malaysian insider]

p/s Judging from the situation now, someone or something is not only breaking the mirror, it is replacing the mirror with a beautiful painted portrait of itself that does not reflect how it really looks - ugly and evil. Everyone can see that the Emperor has no clothes, except the Emperor himself. Is the evil of corruption and the attraction of power so seductive that they cannot even recognise the truth anymore?

The Matter of the Heart

2009-03-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Salam to all,

I walked to Haymarket bus station around 5 pm yesterday, after the curtain of the Wonderful Weekend in Wilderness (w3) programme is called. It was a great success, at the least for me. As the director of the programme, I might be biased and hence say what was not true. Who knows?

Anyway, that is not what I intend to write about today. Today, I will be writing about love.

No, not love again!

This maybe the thought that you have in mind, considering the number of articles I wrote about this particular subject.

Worry not, as this piece of writing will only be a short one.

I bumped into a girl i know since back in Malaysia on my way to Haymarket. Nobody else was around at that time, it was only me and the girl on that deserted walkway. I have spotted her from far away, but I did not really recognize her. She looked so different. When she passed besides me, I literally stared at her, as to confirm she is the girl I know, not somebody else.

All she did was to ignore me!

And then I saw something on her cheek. it was tears, and quite a lot of it. She was crying. At the same time she was texting something on her phone. Being a considerate person that I am, I pretended I did not see her. But I know she knows that I saw her. I walked on, and she then dissapeared to the corner of the Student Union building.

My mind started churning out explanations or rather assumptions on why she cried. Being a human, I could not help but to use the stereotyped reasons developed by humankind on why girls cried.

the list below is all the stereotyped answers on why girls cried.

1. Her pet died.
2. Her beloved person or family members died.
3. She had an argument with her boyfriend.
4. or maybe, she just had a big argument with her boyfriend.
5. her boyfriend had an argument with her.
6. or maybe Her boyfriend just had an argument with her.
7. she broke up with her boyfriend.
8. Last but not least, her boyfriend broke up with her.

As option 1 and 2 are most unlikely, it leaves me with option 3 to 8. And considering that she was texting somebody on that time, I assumed that she either argued or broke with up with her boyfriend. Or maybe her boyfriend argued or broke up with her. Love is a two way street anyway. Either way is possible.

And this morning, as i scrolled down my YM contacts list, i noted that she left her YM status as IDFCAYMF.

My mind quickly analysed all the possible meaning of that strings of alphabets, trying its hardest to decipher the secret code hidden between the syllabary.

At that time, I felt like Robert Langdon trying to unravel the clues that led the way to the almost mythical Holy Grail used by the Joshua of Nazareth.

I hit the jackpot today.

I don't fucking care about you mother fucker!

wow, that was quite a harsh phrase from a girl.

To think that when we were in love with our boyfriend or girlfriend, we showered him or her with words of love, calling her sayang or bie or hunnee or even mama. Always texting him or her, saying that we missed him or her, even though we just went out for a candle light dinner with him or her just 5 mintes ago. Not forgetting to wish her 'sleep tite' every night without fail and worrying ourselves to death when our beloved 'soulmate' is sick.

It was quite a different world that we live in when we had an argument with him or her. It is worse if we broke up. That is when all hells break lose and we throw every malicious words that we keep in our memory closet in his or her direction.

They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but it seems like both planets supplied its inhabitants with a wonderful collection of swear words to be used during quarrels or in breaking up with our 'buah hati pengarang jantung'.

I asked myself, where all the 'sayang', 'i luv u', 'i missed u' and 'papa sayang mama' go when this happen? Doesn't it seems like we waste our time all this while, just to break our heart in the end?

Dane Cook once said, when we do not love our partner anymore, or when we find other person that we like, we don't peacefully break up. We wait and wait and wait, until we really hate each other thoroughly, and then, only then, we break up, with the most violent way possible.

Hurm, is Dane Cook a genius?

p/s This is maybe why Allah swt clearly states to in Quran for us to pray for a wife, who can ease our burden and brighten our life, instead of a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

2009-03-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

Umi texted this morning to ask for advice regarding Opah's ostensible allergy towards co-amoxiclav. I rushed to finish my last lines of the paragraph I was reading, and called home immediately. Opah was having difficulty breathing, and as a result she was exhausted.

Two days ago my parents took Opah to a hospital for check up, from which the doctors found her to have cellulitis in the breast. It has prompted the doctors to treat her with the first line most recommended medication to it, i.e. penicillin, to curb it down before it could spread anywhere. After three doses of 500mg co-amoxiclav, Opah had bronchoconstriction and retinitis. Being frail, this is too much for Opah. She was soon bed bound, and the thought of impending doom shrouded the poor lady.

I advised the immediate discontinuation of co-amoxiclav, and suggested clarithromycin instead, thinking that at that age Opah will not want the side-effects of erythromycin to unnecessarily bother her bowels. That unlicensed opinion and decision was done after much questioning on what they put down as allergic reaction. When I was satisfied thinking that there are enough grounds for it to be allergy, there was no room for hesitation. Thinking a step ahead, I asked for Opah's blood pressure, just to outrule any possibility of the much unwanted detrimental anaphylactic shock. It was still high, and I was relieved.

Having done care of the elderly module for the past two weeks, it's hard not to think about Opah all the time. Although my physical body is in England, I want them to know that my heart is back home- always with them.

No To ISA

2009-03-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

The Lonely Dinner With Robert Ludlum

2009-03-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

He is a lonely man.

He truly is.

After the last class finishes for the day, he reluctantly grabs his Teddy Barker sling bag and make his way to the stairs. He smiles and says see you to some of his coursemates slow enough to leave the lecture theatre alongside him. When he reaches the main entrance, they go their own way and now he is, as always, left alone.

It's 5 pm already, and as usual, he is hungry. He decides to go to his favourite fast food joint.

He has no one to join him for a meal. So he walks to the restaurant. By himself.

His dilemma for the day? Not which pubs or clubs he will go with his friends that night, but which sets of meal he should eat in the fast food joint that day. BBQ ribs or Half grilled chicken? Pepsi or lemonade? Eat in or take out?

To avoid the eyes of the people in the Dixy Chicken who comes with their friends or families, he digs hard into Ludlum's Bourne Supremacy. He make sure his mp3 player is switched on. He does not want the others to think that he has no friend to eat along with.

He really has no friend. So no parties to attend to, no birthday bash to remember going to, no hanging out at the kebab takeaway after a huge Friday night celebrations. Not even socials at the pubs or clubs. He has no friends. None.

He walks around the town alone, stopping now and then at the charity shops scattered along the row of shops. He checks if there is any novel he is interested in. If he is lucky, maybe he will find Jeffrey Archer's A Matter of Honour at Oxfam for 1.79 quid.

If he is fortunate, maybe he will find Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years Of Solitude at Cancer Research UK. If the lady luck sings his name that day, maybe he will spot a new copy of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist and Khalid Hosseini's The Kite Runner at British Red Cross, hidden in the obscure part of the racks.

Sometimes he stops at TJ Hughes, and climbs upstairs to the third floor to browse through the DVDs. Sometimes there will be movies he likes. He once found the Donnie Darko DVD there. He likes it. Donnie is also alone in the world. Like him.

Sometimes there is nothing new. He will be dissapointed. The movies let him forget about the real world for two hours. That's good enough for him, in fact much better than laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling thinking of nothing in particular and missing nobody at all.

Oh! What on earth he will not part with for him to have a girl he will miss and she miss him back.

During his long walks, his faithful Sony mp3 player keeps him hypnotized.

It keeps him from noticing that the people around him are walking hand in hand with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
He will not notice the groups of teenage girls that giggle happily after sharing the latest gossips.
He will not be aware of the purposeful strides of the bussinessmen already late for their dinner with the clients.
Neither he will take note of the civil servants running towards the bus, clearly afraid they will miss it and will be late to meet their loved ones.
He is oblivious to the antics of the high schoolers that walk in groups of tens, clearly high on testosterone, laughing at the top of their voice to attract the girl's attention.

And they; the couples, the teenage girls, the high schoolers, the bussinessmen and the civil servants, on the other hand, are oblivious to his suffering.

He, in his own words, is in a world of his own.

When he sees an old couple strolling slowly down the shop's aisles with their hands interlocking and clearly in love with each other, he smiles. He longs for the day when he will be able to hold his wife's hand too.

He really likes babies, they are so adorable. So cute. So innocent. So unjudgemental. He will smile wider when he see babies in the strollers, pushed slowly by their mom. He likes babies because he knows babies will accept him as who he is, not who they want him to be.

The first thing he does when he comes back from the class or the long walk in the town is to switch on his laptop. At least he has friends online. Some in Yahoo messenger, a few in Friendster and several from his blog's readers. And if he does not get any offline message from them (he rarely does), at the very least, he has Youtube to keep him company.

When he is in his room, he is totally alone. The phone does not ring. Texts are not coming in. Of 60 millions people in United Kingdom, it seems that no one has his phone number. Or maybe they have, but they have nothing to talk to him about.

So he tries to fake the presence of other human being by playing the songs aloud with his notebook's speaker. At least the music gives him the illusion that he is not alone. Eminem, Terence Jay, Marketa Irglova, Glen Hansard, Jacques Brel, Gary Jules and 2pac are his only friends. They are never bored to talk to him, as long as he keeps the notebook switched on.

He does not really know any of his neighbours. He smiles at them, on his way to the wash closet, or after he takes his shower every morning, knowing fully that the smiles are not from his heart.. He forces himself to utter the magic phrase "You alrite?" whenever he bumps into them on the narrow, dimly lit corridor leading to his room. When he cooks alongside his neighbours in the kitchen, he tries to make small talk, trying hard to befriend them, and failing successfully at it.

It's not that he hates them, it's just that they do not have any similarities with them.

He keeps all his emotions to himself.

His feelings, his anger, his love,his sadness, his loneliness, he pushed it all to the deepest, darkest corner of his heart. This way he can keep himself afloat for a few more days, living his lonely life a bit more, for a moment longer before he sinks to the depth of the sea of death. The only certain thing in his life. Death.

This is the story of Mr Lonely and I am really glad you are willing to read this.

At least you will remember me when I died.

Regards,

Mr Lonely.

a clinical encounter with a posh lady

2009-02-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

in the cluster, my visual field was shifted to the present figures around. meanwhile, the ache in my tummy is rising as if the aura of temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE) is about to kick in. i am in the temporary state of malnourishment. i am starving.

but, like a patient with spinal cord compression (which may paralyze legs bilaterally), i was chained to this chair to engrave a memory in this blog. Just a memory that would trigger the action of natural opioids to make me feel good.

i had just visited a lovely posh lady who lives in corbridge. she dwells in the mansion-like house with her differently-abled husband. there is an indoor swimming pool separated from the main building. we paid her a visit to have a bit chat, chiefly about her husband's experience in chronic illness. her husband suffers from multiple sclerosis (MS), a disease characterized by demyelination of the nerves. His MS is classified as seconday progressive due to absence of pause between the flare ups.

Entering the house, I could see an array of few family potraits hung on the wall, sharpening our impression that they are 'flipping' rich people. My lovely partner and I were suddenly 'greeted' by two cute-and-active dogs. I was nailed to the floor once the two dogs went around me and barked in a 'delightful' manner. the neurones of my temporal lobe began to fire numerous action potential, only for the prejudice towards 'kalbun' to nag again. 'I simply hate dog', my frontal lobe concluded.

Do you know what is the last thing you want to happen when you see this blessed creature? (apart from being bitten of course)....yes, it is the pool of amylase dribbling from its mouth, which in turn lay peacefully on your trousers. kind of a deja vu episode, as it indeed happened to me. My attention towards the interview was snatched away, just to refresh myself about how to cleanse the patch of saliva on my trousers with soil. Oh dear...

the lovely madam was so articulative in translating her cumulative experience in managing her husband, into words. laying her feet on the table (which was considered discourteous in our culture), she spoke comfortably about her husband's 30-years-course of illness. the sir was deeply involved in the conversation eventhough he just uttered few lines in a slurred way. the feeling of calmness and positive outlook towards life was plainly portrayed from his face and eyes. perhaps, illness has taught him that. perhaps, he had taught me a monumental lesson today.

the conversation was ended with a warm invitation to her house again in the future. Then we left the house with few jotted points to be presented for the next Gp session. 'She is just like a typical nice posh english lady', my friend commented.

nevertheless, when i am almost inspired by their immense wealth, surah at-takathur 102 is efficient to confine the lustful ambition from metastasizing...rx8..rx8..haih

salam :)

Truth Will Set Us Free..

2009-02-07T04:21:00.000-08:00

Salam,

I, a humble creature in the eyes of the One and Only God, is surrounded by Evil. I read Evil in the newspapers everyday. I see Evil done all over the world. Thank God, I don't watch RTM, TV3, 8TV and any of our local channels for that matter. This spares me from watching the EVIL from my country's own citizen. I watched with disappointment and anger when our leaders speak Evil all day long. So let me speak, write and propagate TRUTH for a change. Only TRUTH will set us free!

I dedicate this post specifically to the democratic people of Malaysia.

I know we have lost this battle but we will win the War, with God's willing. People and of course God is not blind. The injustice done will not be forgotten forever.

Untill the winning days come, I left you with this verse as our source of Hope.

“Apakah kamu mengira bahawa kamu akan masuk Syurga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (cubaan) sebagaimana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu? Mereka ditimpa oleh malapetaka dan kesengsaraan, serta digoncangkan (dengan bermacam-macam cubaan) sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman bersamanya: ‘Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah?’ Ingatlah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat.” - (Surah Al Baqarah: 214)

Till then, keep holding on..

Hati ini menangis untuk Perak: An Open Letter

2009-02-06T15:44:00.001-08:00

Assalamualaikum wbt

May this open letter find you in good health and stronger Iman. Following the recent developments in Perak political scene, I can not but feel deeply saddened by what has been done to the freely elected Perak government. The mandate given by the citizens of the Silver State is greedily and forcefully taken away by the insatiably power hungry BN, lead by our Prime Minister in Waiting, Dato Seri Na... I am very mad with him that I can not write down or even hear his name anymore.

Assisted by four double crossing, two faced politicians, He ignored the decision of Perakians to have Pakatan Rakyat as their state government and YB Nizar as their Menteri Besar. Since His humongous ego is badly broken after two consequent by-election losses but too coward to face a fresh election, He resorted to this malicious underhanded tactic to grab power. Yeah, He can claim victory now. He can now unabashedly declare that He is the one who brought back BN's power. He is the Almighty now, who can do anything he wish and nobody's can claim that they are more powerful than Him.

On the other hand, the Malaysian most popular brand of toilet paper i.e. Berita Harian shamelessly put up His picture with all four of the rakyat traitors beaming with delight as He announce the fall of the Pakatan Rakyat Government and the formation of the new Perak government. It seems like for them, there is nothing more powerful compared to them. They don't remember, there is still God, who vigilantly watches every steps they take, the One who will certainly punishes every corruption, lies and deceptions they did and still do.

To the four politicians, letting the rakyats' down is not the accurate phrase to describe your
actions. Instead, you put all the rakyats' trust below your feet and repeatedly crush it until there is no more. All of you are no more than the vilest prostitutes, selling your despicable services to any man who can pay just for the puny worldly reward. Where are all the principles you hold when you fight for the people? Where does the intention of restoring justice and people's right goes? I still can not believe how you got into PR the first time, as you have just proved yourself how low a human can be. One thing I hope you remember to remember, God and the people never forget. I, for one, will never forget. With God's willingness, the shouts of Makkal Sakhti and the holy war cry Allahuakbar, we promise we will bring you down.

Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar!

p/s My sincere curses goes to Him, and the four politicians. May God 'rewards' all of you with the 'best' reward.

pizza of time

2009-01-29T16:48:00.000-08:00

salam,

for few minutes before I let myself sandwiched between two layers of comfy duvet, I decided to carve few impulsed inspirations after reading the other previous posts. by typing several words here, I have actually gone at some length as the need for sleep become imperative right now.

my impression is every co-author in this blog must at least has a long day, if not week. indeed, so do I. if time can be analogized into a pizza, I feel indecisive and ambiguous to slice it into pieces of time that I can eat or technically, utilize the most.

If only I know how to divide the pizza of time wisely, I will certainly enjoy things without having to keep reminding myself on to-do-lists which have to be sorted out.

If only I know how to crop the pizza of time into few balanced chunks, I will definitely become a visionary person, and be more beneficial to others.

If only I know how to control my satiety in eating the pizza of time, I will unquestionably create more opportunities and be opportunist in life.

If only I know how to add some ingredients and condiments to 'edge-cutting' the pizza of time, I will obviously can sit back, relax and plan my life's plot intelligently to avoid futile steps.

It is all about striking the balance, it is all about discplining myself, it is all about having bird's eye view of this life.

if only...

credit to mus for the creative analogy. hehe

Laniaz: Show Me The Money!

2009-01-28T16:58:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Today is a really long day for me.

10-12pm Hepatobiliary lecture, (David Shaw Lecture Theatre)
12-3pm Family Study Visit to Patient House (Long Journey to Heaton)
3-5pm Palestine Brochure Preparation, (Fell Pass Computer Cluster)
5-7.40pm Continued Brochure Preparation (University Mosque)
7.40-8.30 Journey Home
8.30-10pm Meeting For Europe Trip+Contacted all the Area
representatives for Palestine Brochure Distribution(35 people)
10-10.30pm Two calls to two people
10.30pm Now, writing this damn post.

Well, that's life for me now in Newcastle.. With more to come(seriously!)

Now, for the real thing. My Monthly Allowance Management. Show me the money!

Telephone bills 35 pound
Society Fees 13 pound
Compulsory Monthly Palestine Donation 20pound
Monthly Bus fare 27 pound
Room Rent 361pound
Money Sent For Parent at home 50 pound
Lunch Cost 3 pound x 20days=60 pound
Groceries 60 pound
DVDs,Movies,Novels 24 pound

Total 650pound

Wait! I missed something here. Where is my travel costs? The train tickets and food during the journeys were not free. There were 2 trips to Nottingham, 1 London trip, the Loch Lomond(PMS) trip, the Leeds trip, the York trip and lastly the Middlesboro Trip.. Oh no!

Now what? What about my family planning? Errr, family planning? I know I sound like an expecting pregnant mother with an over eager husband now. What I actually means is my plan to build a family of my own. With all my monthly allowance gone every month, how on Earth can I save any money for my mas kahwin, hantaran and belanja kenduri?

Huhu. Don't be surprised guys.

Yes, I am 19 years old. I know I am still childish in many ways. I know I still can't even manage my life, nevertheless managing a family. I still have lots of negative habits. Being unorganized and procrastinating are one of many habits I should kicked off a long time ago. What about my parent and family permissions? The fact that I am still a full time student does not help either. Not to mention being a medical student will keep me totally busy for the next 5 years. What about my Iman? Do I have enough knowledge and understanding in my religion to be able to guide my (future) wife? Will I achieve what Allah swt told us specifically in Al-Quran to ask directly from Him?

"Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kepda kami pasangan dan keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati(kami), dan jadikanlah kami pemimpin bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa"
-Surah al-Furqan, verse 74-

Despite all of that, I plan to marry in my third year here. Or maybe even in my second year. Who knows? That will be so much better. Hehe;P

This little dillema keeps me wondering. How can I save money for my wedding?

I thought about getting a part time job. Several of my friends work in hospital as cleaners from 5pm till 8pm every weekdays with salaries of 400 pounds a month. Wow! I can save 400pound from my allowance now. But with my lectures starting at 9 till 5pm everyday, how can I get to the hospital on time? Part time work is now out of the question.

My other options are to cut my monthly spending and to work during the summer holiday. Yup, guys, I have decided not to go back to Malaysia for this year's summer. And maybe next year's summer too. Ma, jangan rindukan kami kalau kami tak balik.

By the way guys, I just cancelled my Europe trip with my coursemates this Easter holiday (look at schedule on top). This will save me at least 600 pounds. I have to sacrifice the trip to achieve my greater objective as stated above.

May Allah swt help and unload my burden. Pray for me too guys.

p/s Nak kawin konon, calonnye tah siape n kat mane tak tahu.. Adeh! Huhu:)

they claim to be the masters of alQur'an

2009-01-25T23:28:00.000-08:00

If I may, I want to laugh at some people who, even as a novice, thinks that he can turn the mountain up-side-down. All praises be to Allah, Who has given us the guidance without which we'll go astray.

Recently out of interest and prompt, I made my way to some websites that are really harsh and abrasive towards Islam. One thing that caught my attention was them claiming to have found endless contradictions and major discrepancies in the Qur'an, despite Allah's own statement maintaining the opposite (also here). I must say here, that most of their arguments are folly, but some actually did make me sleepless. If you're 1000% sure of something, and then somebody comes and tell you another thing, would you not feel the same? Curious and insatisfied I was, to mention but little. Of note, they were 29:27-30 vs 2:29, 25:59 vs 41:9-12, 16:25 vs 29:12, and 3:45 vs 19:17. My sleeplessness however paid off; the answers are now disclosed by the merciful Almighty. True are His words.

Again, this here we have a real example of man's arrogance, albeit being stupid (in fact this trait only comes with such imbecility). So what makes us think that we can come up with better arguments than the hardcore enemies of Islam, from past to present, like Abu Lahab, Abu Jahal, and other Mushrikun; Abdullah ibn Ubay and other hypocrites; the envious Christians and the treacherous Jews since 1400 years ago; and more recently the proud Orientalists? In spite of their life-time dedication to bring Islam down to rubbles, these lies they have refrained inventing. Hence is why we find John Burton, in his book The Collection of The Qur'an (Cambridge University Press, 1977) denying these. Because they are ashamed of lying about the most obvious truth- that these contradictions are non-existent. Anyone who cares to be honest and a little bit more studious will realise this plain, unequivocal truth.

With the light brightening the straight path; there is no reason to prefer traversing the dark bent alley that leads to eternal Punishment. Still, some have chosen the latter.

Something Bitter Sweet To Remember

2009-01-23T03:24:00.000-08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

"the hardest thing to do is to be able laugh at your past mistakes and foolishness"
-anonymous-

Huhu.. bila diingat-ingat balik, memang sangat melucukan peristiwa aku terjatuh cinta kat KMB dulu.. Perkara yang sudah begitu lama berlalu, bila tiba-tiba teringat balik, menyebabkan aku senyum sendirian.. Huhu. Dah la ter'suka' kat rakan sekelas, suka pulak kat yang sangat-sangat baik akhlaknya.. Yang sangat mengambil berat tentang keredhaan Allah dalam setiap tindakan yang diambilnya. Adehh.. Memang susah la jawabnya..

Alhamdulillah, aku ditolak. Sedih memang sedih. Pedih memang pedih. Bayangkan tengah-tengah main ragbi pun, boleh tiba-tiba aku stop tengah-tengah padang dan rasa sedih sangat. Huhu. Lawak betul bila diingatkan balik. Aku rasa perasaan aku waktu itu sedikit sebanyak boleh digambarkan dengan video dibawah. Kenzou yang ditolak cintanya oleh yoshida rei seakan-akan memahami perasaan aku..

Tapi waktu tu, diri ni masih sangat-sangat mentah.. masih lagi tanpa bimbingan tarbiyah dan usrah.. masih belum sedar apa pandangan Islam terhadap fitrah manusia dalam percintaan, masih belum berkenalan dengan saifulislam.com, ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil dan buku Aku Terima Nikahnya. Masih belum menikmati novel Ayat-Ayat Cinta karya Habiburrahman el-Shirazy. Masih belum berkenalan dengan abang zawawi, murabbi aku yang begitu tulus dalam menyampaikan tarbiah.

Namun alhamdulillah aku dipelihara Tuhan Semesta Alam dari perkara yang dimurkainya. Segala puji hanya bagiNya.

Tarbiyah mengajar aku bahawa cinta yang diredhai Ilahi hanyalah melalui ikatan perkahwinan. Melalui buku Aku Terima Nikahnya dan Ayat-Ayat Cinta, aku diajar bahawa Islam tidak menolak fitrah, tapi membimbing fitrah mengikut jalan yang benar. Islam menolak cinta yang sebenarnya hanya berteras nafsu dan pujukan syaitan. Tetapi Islam memelihara kesucian hati dan diri ummatnya melalui penghalalan perkahwinan. Yang mana lelakinya dipertanggung jawabkan atas segala kelakuannya, dan bukan boleh berlepas diri bila maruah diri dan kesucian hati si perempuan telah diragut.Islam tidak membenarkan "percintaan" tanpa perkahwinan, tetapi membenarkan perasaan cinta wujud.

Islam tidak membunuh rasa cinta, seperti apa paderi-paderi dan sami-sami Kristian dan Buddha buat. Tetapi Islam meletakkan cinta di martabat lebih tinggi dan lebih suci melalui perkahwinan.

Dan aku masih mencintainya. Sehingga kini. Sepenuh hati.

We Must Change Our Distorted Views on HAMAS

2009-01-14T11:55:00.001-08:00

By William Sieghart

Last week I was in Gaza. While I was there I met a group of 20 or so police officers who were undergoing a course in conflict management. They were eager to know whether foreigners felt safer since Hamas had taken over the Government? Indeed we did, we told them. Without doubt the past 18 months had seen a comparative calm on the streets of Gaza; no gunmen on the streets, no more kidnappings. They smiled with great pride and waved us goodbye.

Less than a week later all of these men were dead, killed by an Israeli rocket at a graduation ceremony. Were they “dangerous Hamas militant gunmen”? No, they were unarmed police officers, public servants killed not in a “militant training camp” but in the same police station in the middle of Gaza City that had been used by the British, the Israelis and Fatah during their periods of rule there.

This distinction is crucial because while the horrific scenes in Gaza and Israel play themselves out on our television screens, a war of words is being fought that is clouding our understanding of the realities on the ground.

Who or what is Hamas, the movement that Ehud Barak, the Israeli Defence Minister, would like to wipe out as though it were a virus? Why did it win the Palestinian elections and why does it allow rockets to be fired into Israel? The story of Hamas over the past three years reveals how the Israeli, US and UK governments' misunderstanding of this Islamist movement has led us to the brutal and desperate situation that we are in now.

Palestinians did not vote for Hamas because it was dedicated to the destruction of the state of Israel or because it had been responsible for waves of suicide bombings that had killed Israeli citizens. They voted for Hamas because they thought that Fatah, the party of the rejected Government, had failed them. Despite renouncing violence and recognising the state of Israel Fatah had not achieved a Palestinian state. It is crucial to know this to understand the supposed rejectionist position of Hamas. It won't recognise Israel or renounce the right to resist until it is sure of the world's commitment to a just solution to the Palestinian issue.

In the five years that I have been visiting Gaza and the West Bank, I have met hundreds of Hamas politicians and supporters. None of them has professed the goal of Islamising Palestinian society, Taleban-style. Hamas relies on secular voters too much to do that. People still listen to pop music, watch television and women still choose whether to wear the veil or not.

The political leadership of Hamas is probably the most highly qualified in the world. Boasting more than 500 PhDs in its ranks, the majority are middle-class professionals - doctors, dentists, scientists and engineers. Most of its leadership have been educated in our universities and harbour no ideological hatred towards the West. It is a grievance-based movement, dedicated to addressing the injustice done to its people. It has consistently offered a ten-year ceasefire to give breathing space to resolve a conflict that has continued for more than 60 years.

The Bush-Blair response to the Hamas victory in 2006 is the key to today's horror. Instead of accepting the democratically elected Government, they funded an attempt to remove it by force; training and arming groups of Fatah fighters to unseat Hamas militarily and impose a new, unelected government on the Palestinians. Further, 45 Hamas MPs are still being held in Israeli jails.

Six months ago the Israeli Government agreed to an Egyptian- brokered ceasefire with Hamas. In return for a ceasefire, Israel agreed to open the crossing points and allow a free flow of essential supplies in and out of Gaza. The rocket barrages ended but the crossings never fully opened, and the people of Gaza began to starve. This crippling embargo was no reward for peace.

When Westerners ask what is in the mind of Hamas leaders when they order or allow rockets to be fired at Israel they fail to understand the Palestinian position. Two months ago the Israeli Defence Forces broke the ceasefire by entering Gaza and beginning the cycle of killing again. In the Palestinian narrative each round of rocket attacks is a response to Israeli attacks. In the Israeli narrative it is the other way round.

But what does it mean when Mr Barak talks of destroying Hamas? Does it mean killing the 42 per cent of Palestinians who voted for it? Does it mean reoccupying the Gaza strip that Israel withdrew from so painfully three years ago? Or does it mean permanently separating the Palestinians of Gaza and the West Bank, politically and geographically? And for those whose mantra is Israeli security, what sort of threat do the three quarters of a million young people growing up in Gaza with an implacable hatred of those who starve and bomb them pose?

It is said that this conflict is impossible to solve. In fact, it is very simple. The top 1,000 people who run Israel - the politicians, generals and security staff - and the top Palestinian Islamists have never met. Genuine peace will require that these two groups sit down together without preconditions. But the events of the past few days seem to have made this more unlikely than ever. That is the challenge for the new administration in Washington and for its European allies.

William Sieghart is chairman of Forward Thinking, an independent conflict resolution agency

2009-01-07T10:26:00.000-08:00

On arriving home, I would, besides eating, chain myself to the study table to force myself to study, but will more often than not end up watching the news and updates on my suffering brothers and sisters who are today living in a life of inexpressible anguish. Yesterday I saw a debate between Chris Dayle (Director of CAABU) and Henry Shue (Centre for International Studies) against the much disdainful Lorna Fitzsimons (BICOM), who has in several occasions claimed that she is not a Zionist, but a seeker of truth. Funny, I hold the two as fundamentally distinct, and can never viably coexist.

I didn't like it when yesterday Sarkozy made this statement (or at least this is how the media aired it): "Hamas actions are irresponsible and unparonable". He also condemned Israel (which the media didn't as happily publicise), but I felt that the words he meant for Hamas are 'irresponsibly and unparonably' harsh, considering how joyfully and continuously has Israel violated the many International Laws. Even today, two UN-managed schools were shelled, killing 30 and 5 people in each. It was to no avail that the UN has given their GPS location to the Israelis so as to avoid any harm done- the Israelis are too merciless to draw a line between militants and civilians, or between bombers and refugees, or snipers and relief workers.

One very important point to make; whenever you hear the Zionists say something, doubt it. They've said so many absurdities, blatantly doing it against the figures and facts that stand tall amidst their lies. How obviously senseless, baseless, and unfounded can these statements be; e.g. "Hamas rules like the Taliban does", "there is no humanitarian crisis in Gaza", "we've been very kind to the Palestinian civilians", "we only target militants". Worse, to explain today's shelling of UN schools, Dore Gold maintained, "we were fighting at a place very close to the school, and suddenly heard an explosion in the building. It must have been Hamas' doing". I wanted to laugh, but knew this was not the right time.

My sincere curses to Roni Bar On and Mark Regev; may you never walk out from Hell.

SoiS on Gaza Crisis:Youtube

2009-01-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

2009-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

History will be a witness to Israeli atrocities, as it perpetually happens in Gaza today. Remember November 4, when the Americans went out to vote for Obama? No, actually it was when Israel blatantly broke the 6 month truce with Hamas! They went deep into Gaza and killed 6 palestinians. Well today, January the 4th, 7th Muharram will be well recorded in history, telling us how cruel, shameless, arrogant, blatant, and cold these Zionist liars are. Listen to the news and you'll see unending inconsistencies in their statements, arguments, and actions; which are, expectedly, very excruciatingly annoying!

Land incursion is taking place as I'm trying to prepare for Mental Health rotation starting tomorrow. I let the BBC news play undisturbed on the computer while trying to concentrate on some medical articles, but of course my mind is hovering around Gaza, as the Israeli Apaches do. The voices of Lior Ben Dor (Isreali ambassador in the UK), Zaki Chehab (al-Haya journalist, book writer), Oliver Rafovitch (Israeli army spokesperson), Sam Bahour (Gazan Businessman and analyst), Dore Gold (Former Israeli ambassador to the UN), Muhammad Abu Shaban (Ghazan; al-Azhar student), Isaac Herzog (Israeli minister of welfare and social services), Abdullah bin Abdullah (Palestinian MP; former deputy foreign minister), and Saeb Erekat (Chief Palestinian Negotiator) tune the news station very consistently with the cruel Israeli offensive (especially when the arrogant Zionists speak).

The Gazans are direly suffering, and we're here thinking only about ourselves. Worse, we're feeding ourselves at the expense of the Gazans, which happens when we shop at the massive Israeli outlets like Marks and Spencer. Some of us are still holidaying, on travels, doing post-christmas shopping, enjoying latest movies, listening to latest music hits, cheering for our football teams, and the list continues. If these make us ignore our brothers and sisters in Palestine, it is indeed irresponsible.

It makes me happy to know that many people have started showing their concerns by joining demonstrations, collecting and promoting donations, making videos, seriously discussing, and circulating emails. At the same time I'm also wondering, how many among us actually send heart-meant prayers for these people? I hope most of us do. For Allah made His promises, and He will, without the slightest doubt, fulfil them. Let's make doa, and be in solidarity for peace and justice.

I might as well take this chance to curse Tzipi Livni, Ehud Barak, Olmert, and Shimon Peres; may you rest in Hell.

Oh and, I also despise Brown's one-sided proposal for Hamas to 1) Stop the rockets 2) Stop the smuggling of arms, and 3) then Israel has to release the blockade.

And of course, my concerns on Obama was real. Remember that book?

Cerita Si Pensel di Newcastle.

2009-01-02T17:58:00.000-08:00

Salam Perkenalan. Saya penselxtajam contributor baru page ini. Hanya ingin berkongsi pengalaman yg tak seberapa. Harap anda enjoi!

On 2nd january around 60 protestors turned out for a noisy picket of the Newcastle branch of Mark and Spencer, calling for a boycott of M&S over their support for Israel, the boycott of all Israeli goods and an end to all British support for Israel.

Hrm.. my 1st time joining a rally (i mean abroad, out of Malaysia). A very good experience for me. Assembling people together to fight against the apartheid state of Israel. A lot of people getting out from Mark and Spencer and they were shouting like crazy on us. They were shouting "Bloody Paki", "U back off idiot!", "Stop talking bulls**t!" and many more. Police attended the demonstration but with the exception of harassing people behind the stall over whether they were accepting donations, kept a low profile.

Kitorang jerit la "Free Palestine!"."1,2,3,4, Occupation No More! 5,6,7,8 Israel is an Apartheid State!". "Intifada Palestine!". Ya Allah selamatkanlah saudara2 kami. Hancurkanlah Musuh2 kami. Nak tau picket tu ditamatkan dengan apa? Takbir!Allahuakbar! sume orang tercengang beb.

Btw, ni just intro. Besok (3rd Jan), protestors will be turning out in force for a rally at Grey's Monument from 12-2pm, called by local Palestinians and supported by Newcastle Palestine Solidarity Campaign, Fight Racism Fight Imperialism, Tyne and Wear Stop the War Coalition, University Friends of Palestine and others.

End the onslaught on Gaza!

End British collusion with the blockade of Gaza!
Boycott Israeli goods!
Boycott Marks and Spencer!
Self-determination for the Palestinian people!

Haybar Haybar Haybar Ya Yahud! Jaishu Muhammad! Saufa Yauud! Allahuakbar!

Anak-anak Gaza, Jangan Adukan Kami Kepada Muhammad!

2009-01-02T04:09:00.000-08:00

Maafkan kami, Gaza

Hanya lihat
dan pasang mata

Hanya marah
dan merah mata

Hanya sedih
dan air mata

Hanya doa
dan merah mata

Hanya pekik
dan sorot mata

Hanya malu
dan tutup mata

Hanya suara
dan kata

Hanya simpati
dan cinta

Maafkan kami, Gaza

Bocah-bocah Gaza!
jangan adukan kami kepada Muhammad (s.'a.w.w.)

Kami di United Kingdom,
jauh dari Gaza

Ihsan Ustaz Muhsin Labib dengan sedikit pengubahsuaian.

kenangan di malaysia

2008-12-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

salam semua geng2 newcastle, :)

pagi ini mendung di malaysia. penangan musim tengkujuh agaknya, bisik hatiku. kipas di siling rumah hafiz northumbria ni masih terus ligat berputar.tup tap tup tap, genap seminggu aku berada di malaysia. tinggal seminggu lagi untuk pulang ke newcastle menatap muka korang hari2..hehe..

tapi selama seminggu ini, ada beberapa ketika fikiranku melayang memikirkan member2 newcastle. camne korang spend winter break ni? epul ke spain, syed fa ke turkey, helmi dengo kate explore UK, safwan ke ireland. ade yang pergi ke pms winter gathering, ader yang ke pUISI, ader yang ke fuiyo!..ader yang 'meringankan' minda masa cuti dengan hanya bercuti (macam aku)..huhu..takpe buat mak bapak happy pun satu amalan jugak..hehe..

sharing is caring; memang banyak bebenor mende aku nak share kat sini hanya dengan seminggu pengalaman bercuti di malaysia. loads and loads of sweet memories. trip aku ke malaysia north, pengalaman di kedai gunting rambut, buat karipap ngan nenek aku, mentekedarah teh tarik, murtabak ayam, laksa lemak, kfc, nasi campur, pasembur penang dll,...seriously a tiny fragment of memories which are monumental for me. nantila aku share ngan korang..huhu..

tapi apa yang aku rasakan selepas first half medicine kat newcastle, aku makin menghargai malaysia secare mikro mahupun makro (i bet other tyne walkers will feel the same). kekadang tu merenung pokok jambu pun, sentimental illness aku datang. so weird but is still sensible. huhu

o malaysia.

p/s aku harap korang2 jeles..huahuahaha.. :P

Dane Cook On Crying-So True! Enjoy!

2008-12-10T03:26:00.001-08:00

Enjoy friends!

Dedicated to Helmi Medic

2008-12-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

Ni video kitorang layan time discuss nak buat blog ni..
Layan!

Aku Nak Promote Diri Jap! Haha!

2008-12-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

Ni gambar-gambar trip aku ke Middlesborough. Thanks Yusof Ngocop for his time and hospitality.

sambungan entri hilmi

2008-12-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

Sampai di library Uni, Hilmi terus belajar dengan tekun sampai dia tak perasan Safwan menggigil kesejukan. Maka Safwan tak dapat belajar, dia mengadu kesejukan, dan kerap kali membandingkan Newcastle dengan hospitalnya di Sunderland. Habis merata Hilmi mengheret Safwan; ke masjid, ke computer cluster, namun kesejukan masih menyelubunginya. Akhirnya dia pun buat keputusan untuk pulang ke kandang- ke Sunderland!

Maaf Helmi (cf Hilmi) sebab tak beli kek untuk harijadi anda. Perancangannya macamtu lah, tapi Newcastle tu macam Antartika, manusia tropikal sepertiku tak dapat tahan. Juga ampun diminta daripada Epul kerana tak sempat nak menikmati nasi lemak panas yang anda bawa balik (curi mana ni?) tadi. Hilmi pula, maaf sebab telah meninggalkan anda di computer cluster sesorang, dan telah menghilang ke Sunderland tanpa pemberitahuan. InsyaAllah aku akan pulang ke Newcastle esok untuk solat raya. Kita makan nasi lemak + rendang sama-sama ok..!

Rindu nak solat dalam surau baru 102 Brighton Grove lagi.. (imam tengok Qur'an handphone, haha)

owh weekend ku.

2008-12-07T12:25:00.000-08:00

krek krek krek, bunyi laptop epul berkiuk. entah. susah untuk aku fahami keupayaan laptop beliau. sesekali, laptop jadi 'hang' hanya dengan processing 2 tabs mozilla firefox. (pul, upgrade laptop balik msia nanti kat lowyat! lol). di kala sunyi ini, aku pun memutuskan untuk menaip bak sepatah dua kata. setelah 'take a deep breathe in', aku pun menekan satu demi satu key of the keyboard ini. alhamdulillah, nasib baik keyboad epul ni lengkap, key untuk huruf O pun ada. (heheh..).

malam ni, rumah 102 seperti biasa sunyi kembali pabila ahli-ahli rumah bertempiaran pulang ke hospital masing2. bukan sekadar untuk bersedia ke kelas esok, tetapi merangkul bolus-bolus haba heater di akomodasi masing2 yang selesa 'tahap gaban'. biasalah manusia, apabila dihamparkan keselesaan, merusuh sungguh untuk ujian sejuk yang sebentar. (heheh..jealous sbb hanya boleh balik carlisle esok).

weekend ni, alhamdulillah, 102 'dibanjiri' dengan tetamu2 yang datang bersama keberkatan iAllah. Rakan2 yang lama tak bersua muka (ngocop, jenal, helmi), 'berani' memunculkan diri di pintu rumah kami untuk dijemput masuk. Heheh. Bukan apa, ada sebab datangnya member2 ni.

Sahur beramai2 untuk berpuasa pada hari arafah. :)

Walaupun puasa pada hari ahad, namun 102 penuh sudah pada hari sabtu. Berlonggok2 manusia dapat disaksikan pada Saturday night tu di Common room 102. Hehehe. Alang-alang dah ada semua orang, satu meeting yang kurang gempar diadakan. Meeting untuk buat shared blog. Hasilnya terjadilah blog ini atas benak fikiran sesama kami. Alhamdulillah.

Sebut pasal sahur, Master chef ialah pakcik Safwan aka pakcik House sanggup bangun awal pagi untuk menyediakan juadah sahur buat tetamu. Nah, dapatlah korang semua makan rendang daging (+kerisik..aku dah cakap lagi bes tambah kerisik. lol) dan oven-baked fish fillet Aku menolong menanak nasi (je). (ngantuk ar).

Tadi, Azran pulak datang daripada Sunderland. Setelah memanaskan kerusi di bilikku selama 10 minit, beliau pun melayan Jumanji sebelum ditinggalkan oleh aku dan Safwan untuk pergi ke library Uni. Kesian..huhu..

Tapi, best la weekend ni. Berjumpa dengan other muslims are just precious things.

Kesimpulannya, habis plan study weekend ni. Huhuh.

Salam aidiladha