a love letter to an old friend

With Snow Patrol's Set The Fire To The Third Bar slowly floating in my ear, i descended upon the depth of my soul. Deeper and deeper, following the mouldy spiralling staircase dampened with years of restrained feelings. The wall were plastered with the feeling long gone. Now it replayed in front of me like a broken video. Going in loops, endless loops until the audience lost their patience and throw ebverything to the ground.

The openings of the icy cold subterranean staircase to the heart suddenly closed with a thud. A soft blow of an invisible wind comes from nowhere, taking with it the last breath of the candle hanging on the ancient ceilings of the mind. The candle, like life, inevitably came to an end. Dead. Leaving only ashes and coal dust. It all seems so insignificant.

It is a dark metaphor of reality, the staircase. There is now no way back. The door is now closed. There is no way you can turn back and grab hold to the time gone past. You either keep on descending or you stop, and died asphyxiated with the darkness engulfing you. Or you can kill yourself. It is your choice. My choice.

I keep on going. Step by step, feet by feet, i went down, contemplating on what have i done wrong. Ruminating on the all the roads not taken in my whole life. What if i took the left instead of the right? What if i chose to go on before, instead of backing away? What if i keep on believing,instead of leaving it to chances? Will things go differently?

The road i'd taken, is it due to wise reasoning or just purely chances or coincidences? Or is it fate? But are there such things as fate, destiny, or whatever names people call it? Or is just a mathematical probability, which anybody can break it down to pieces of functions and algebraical calculations?

I realized though, the road i took will unavoidably led to other junctions, other divergences, and i have to decide again.Not this one though. This is a one way train. The downward journey to the soul is a journey few have taken. None has ever come back.

And today, it will be my journey.

merapu: edisi rempit

allop.

herm, malam semalam aku tidoq kat uma member2 seangkatan aku...sembang punye sembang, macam biase jadi diskusi ilmiah yang memeningkan kaple otak...tapi isu ter'kini' pesal cinta sebelum kahwin...uish...isu yang sentiase panas nak2 untuk orang yg belum kahwin..mesti la kan..tah pape la aku ni..heheh

pikir2 balik, dah lame gak aku membujang (cf couple) sebab 'faith' aku yg mendalam sangat pasal keberkatan dan keberkesanan cinta sebelum kahwin yang boleh menjanjikan kebahagiaan semasa dan selepas kahwin. aku ni sebenarnye macam kebanyakan orang lain, hidup membesar dalam persekitaran hidup orang yg kurang ter'kena' dengan cahye Islam, tak kurang member2 yang aku kenal berkarierkan rempit, mat2 kete, masuk penjare dan kakak2 abang2 yang berkehidupan pramugari/a, sejibik macam dalam series Tv3 mahupun HBO movies tuh..huih dahsyat..ade jugak la member2 yang aku drop out skrg ni..bkan nak berpendirian ekslusif tapi takut terpengaruh pulak...eh, merapu sekejap...pendek kata kurang la pendedahan aku pd islam sebenar sampai pada satu mase tu..dan pendek kata yang lain, aku ade jugak la traumatised dengan gagalnye beberapa rumahtangga kenalan2 aku..sampai ade yang minta pandangan aku tentang rumahtangge dorang cmne nak savekan rumahtangge dorang; i am a good listener..(care org bosnia menampilkan diri?ke kite yg nak mencapubkan diri ..what the heck?haha)

Anyway, back to basic. pesal couple...herm, d main thing yg every mempelai nak ialah rumahtangge yg dinaungi keberkatan, ye tak? Tapi kalaulah mule2 kite dah langgar arahan Allah dalam cuba ber’mesra’2 dengan orang kat sane, camne plak kite nak expect untuk dapat keberkatan Allah yg tngh marah tu. Herm, itu yang aku cube pikir tu..contohnye, nak mintak duit Balai untuk buat program tapi butiq2 proposal melanggar protokol Balai, agak2 nye dapat ke? Wallahu’alam.

Selalu orang habaq aku, ni trial period nak tngok pasangan camne..herm, tapi banyak je kapel yg bagai nak rak, tapi last2 hampeh jugak pengakhirannya..(sorry 2 hear anyway)...ye ye, ade yg berjaye ke gerbang perkahwinan, tapi sila refer perenggan atas..ala, kalau nak kenal serasi ke tak, cubela set mind compass balik kot, sebab bukankah erti perkahwinan itu untuk memBERI..lepas tu, kuranglah kot masalah ketidakserasian nanti..Wallahu’alam..

Setakat ni je la..malas nak komen2 lagi pesal kapel..prot pon lapaq..nak g masjid berbuka..

Edisi Rempit.

best movie ever made

The title tells all. A parody for Malaysia Abusive and Corrupted Commision (MACC)

We Cry For Teoh Beng Hok

I cried for the death of Teoh Beng Hok, i sincerely did.

Has Malaysia descended into a new low? A low that no man ever reach before?

Teoh Beng Hock, 30, Political Secretary to Selangor Exco Ean Yong Hian Wah, was found dead yesterday afternoon. He had fallen (or maybe pushed, who knows?) from the 14th floor of Malaysia Anti-Corruption Commission just hours after he was interrogated by MACC. The interrogation hours? 5pm until 4 am in the morning by the "committed" MACC officers, for 11 hours straight. This is a clear breach of MACC code of ethics and code of conduct.

Oh, i forgot to mention. All of as sudden MACC were really putting the effort in investigating corruption that they can even interrogate long after office hours? And Teoh was not even the suspect, he was supposed to be there only as a witness. A WITNESS for God's sake! He was not a criminal, he would not run away. Why would he?

I really suspect foul play in his death. No one in his right senses will imagine to commit suicide a day before he is slated to be married. No, not just one day before his marriage, i am sure of that. Was it a coincidence he chose to jump off MACC building just hours after the interrogation? i dont think so.

p/s MACC had selective amnesia I suspect. If a corruption report involves opposition ADUNs, they will raid the office looking for evidence in a matter of hours. They would even work after hours to investigate. But when a corruption report involves say, Rafidah Aziz, Nazri Aziz et al, only silence can be heard. Remember Statutory Declaration by Fauzi Muda saying that our PM tried to buy his support for RM50 mils? Any investigation? Zero. zilch. none!

Allah knows

"when you find that special someone, feel your life has barely begun, you can walk on the moons shout it to everyone, Allah knows"

jeritan ketakutan

terowong gelap sisa kumbahan..

segelap ketakutan kita yang tersembunyi. bau busuk dalam longkang, bau kumbahan, gas beracun, tikus, gelap dan bahaya. takde ape yang nak ditakutkan dengan semua itu.

ketakutan yang sebenarnya terletak di dalam rumah kita.

arghhhh!

jeritan bergema.

menjerit.. cara ibu bapa menyelesaikan masalah.. membuat anak patuh,mengikut arahan,suruhan, larangan dengan ketakutan. ketakutan menjadikan anak mengikut,menurut apa sahaja..

obey!

jeritan seperti mengalu-alukan kepulangan aku..terjun ke dalam air hitam di dalam terowong sisa kumbahan.. ke dalam ruang yang tidak diketahui..

pernah terfikir kenapa orang dewasa tak habis-habis dengan masalah?

sebab mereka tak nak masalah-masalah itu selesai..

apa yang tinggal untuk mereka kalau masalah-masalah itu selesai? kosong.

selepas masalah selesai, yang tinggal lepas tu ialah sesuatu yang tak diketahui. itulah yang menakutkan mereka.. mereka tak nak itu berlaku..

mereka ingin rasa mereka sentiasa betul. baik, tanpa kesalahan. ingin rasa mereka insan kamil.

dan menjerit menjadi alat mereka mencapai semua itu.. ibu bapa kepada anak, orang dewasa kepada remaja.. majikan kepada pekerja.. orang atasan kepada orang bawahan.. ahli politik kepada ahli politik musuh.. kekasih kepada kekasih.. kawan kepada kawan.. semuanya menjerit untuk menyelesaikan masalah..

dan untuk itu aku bertanya, jeritan-jeritan tersebut dibalas dengan apa?

jeritan lagi..

arghhh!

monggo!

HIDUP ADALAH PERJUANGAN MENCARI ERTI!

MUSUH KITA ADALAH KETIADAAN MAKNA DALAM HIDUP.
KAMI WUJUD UNTUK MEMBERIKAN ERTI DALAM KEHIDUPAN.
KAMI WUJUD UNTUK MENCIPTA RIAK AIR DALAM SEJARAH!

BANGUN SEMUA!

HENTIKAN SIKAP MENUNDUK, MENGANGGUK, MENURUT, MENYERAH..

THE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT FEAR THE GOVERNMENT,
THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD FEAR THE PEOPLE!

RIAK AIR ITU KITA JADIKAN TSUNAMI!